My venture into Victoria’s Secret

by Sarah Luna

Next weekend, my good friend Allyson is getting married. 

This is my first time acting as bridesmaid. Allyson and I have been friends since freshmen year of college.  She’s pretty special to me, and I want to make sure that I do everything just right on her big day. That’s been a bit difficult since I’ve been in Rwanda and India for the past couple of months, but she’s been more than patient with my delayed responses. She even ordered and mailed the incredibly cute and impossibly high-heeled yellow shoes that I get to wear. 

Anyways…

Ten days before the wedding, I realized that I didn’t have the appropriate bra to go under my dress. Oh no! I have to look perfect! I’m going to be in A LOT of pictures; I can’t be wearing a ratty old bra (and believe me, the third world is not kind to bras). 

First I tried looking at Target in the shapewear section. Fortunately my friend Julie was able to come with me to provide moral support and to listen to my mature comments about pasties. After rifling through bustiers, leotards, and shaping bras, I discovered that people my size don’t usually use products like that, and there is a corresponding hole in the market.

We had no choice but to enter the realm of Victoria’s Secret. 

Confession: I’ve never seriously shopped in Victoria’s Secret before. I was a bit lost.

Luckily we were greeted by a sales assistant who asked if I were looking for something in particular. I couldn’t tell if this woman was a college student or someone who just lived in Ithaca, but she was in her mid-20s with a slightly nasally voice who looked like she knew a lot about bras. I decided to trust her advice and let her help me. 

She started off by showing me the “Very Sexy”. Yes, that was it’s actual name. It had special stay put technology to keep it from slipping down. As she explained the numerous functions of this bra, I couldn’t help but marvel at the use of the word “technology”. I mean, I’m glad there are people who think about this stuff, but I had to work really hard to keep a straight face. I don’t know how she did it.

Next, she introduced the “Very Sexy Bombshell“. This masterpiece adds two whole cup sizes and can worn five different ways. Whoa now. At that point, I was feeling a little intimidated, but I decided to give it a chance.

All I remember about the third bra (the “Very Sexy” something) was that it could be worn seven (seven???) different ways. My serious “I-can-shop-for-a-bra-like-a-grownup” face almost betrayed me. I really thought that someone was going to pop out wielding a camera and tell me that it was all a joke. Seven different ways? Let’s count them: normal, crossed in the back, strapless, one-shouldered, halter, narrow halter…and I’m out of ideas.

The assistant started a dressing room for me with those three bras. In a moment of smartness, I had decided to bring both the bachelorette party dress and the bridesmaid dress with me (I didn’t have to use the “Hey, Sexy, try me on” shirt that came with the dressing room). I had to struggle a bit adjusting the straps and padding. Every once and a while the assistant would ask how I was doing. All three bras fit beautifully. I was amazed (especially at the stay put technology). However, there was one bra that rose above all others (one bra to rule them all? ok, that was nerdy…sorry). One that took both dresses from pretty to omgamazing. One that made me think are you kidding me??? you’re actually going to buy this???

Yes, friends, I walked out as the owner of the Very Sexy Bombshell. It was by far the most expensive and ridiculous bra I have ever bought, but now I am equipped with the warrior of all bras (thing could probably stop bullets) and ready to fulfill my destiny as bridesmaid. 

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